Food Battle 2013 Announcement

Food Battle 2013 Announcement is an irregular Smosh video, uploaded on September 3rd, 2013. Promoting the impending release and opening of the voting polls for Food Battle 2013.

Plot[]

The narrator says that it's time for the worlds of food and ultra violence to collide in the most awesome conflict of all time which is Food Battle. The narrator tries to spot Ian and Anthony on the couch, but they weren't on making him wonder where they were.

In the meditation room where no one should talk about food, Anthony is a "bald" monk is trying to meditate. Anthony said that all of the years of murdering harmless food meant nothing to him when losing his egg roll. The narrator thought about where Ian was thinking that without Food Battle, his doughnut and him are just trouble makers.

In Ian's room, Anthony spy's on Ian who has a huge "beard". Ian has gone delusional thinking his donut wants him to blow up the unicorn farms so they can harvest their magical horns and make a time travel device to kill all the dinosaurs agreeing to do it and make an evil laugh. Anthony entered the room wanting to stop the madness. Ian wondered about Anthony's hair being missing which Anthony said that he became a monk and vowed to never harm food. Ian asks Anthony if he was sure which Anthony thought he was extra sure. Ian asks if he was sure sure sure, but Anthony knows that he's nine times sure. Ian felt reasonable at first, but Ian used the donuts powers to bring back memories of past Food Battles. Anthony quit being a monk and took off his bald cap wanting to start another Food Battle. Ian felt surprise while also putting down his fake beard thinking Anthony never shaved his head. Anthony says that he doesn't because he does not feel or look like an idiot and wouldn't want to get rid of the sexy, god-like hair.

The narrator tells the viewers that Anthony's back and needs their help to decide on a food for Food Battle 2013. The foods are any of these chooses: pretzel, corn on the cob, hot dog wiener, banana, giant gummy snake, fried pickle, candy cane, or chocolate bar donut. Even said to go to Smosh.com/FoodVote2013 and to vote every day for the food so it can be Food Battle 2013 and fight Ian's pink frosted sprinkled donut. Ian teased Anthony because he was freeze framed. However, Ian got freeze framed having the narrator tell them to vote everyday or he'll freeze frame everyone.

Campaign Videos[]

Banana[]

The narrator introduces a TV show called Psychic Talk with Benji Banana (the same banana from FOOD BATTLE 2012 ANNOUNCEMENT!). Benji introduces the show where he takes the calls and tells their futures or whatever, with the help of psychic artichoke Momma Lola, who sensed that Benji was feeling down about something. Benji says he doesn't want to talk about it and decides to take the first call. A screen broadcasts Tomato, the first caller, who says that she's Momma Lola's biggest fan. Momma Lola said she already knew, being the psychic she is. Tomato wanted to know why Benji wasn't in Food Battle 2012, a question which even Momma Lola didn't know the answer to. Benji said that he didn't get chosen as Anthony's food in Food Battle 2012, due to more votes for Egg Roll instead of him, resulting in him losing his family, his wife, and his first TV show, "Banana Time". It also resulted in him becoming a sad-ass drunk who hosts a fake psychic show. Momma Lola asked if Benji was actually drunk, which he said that he wasn't.

It is then revealed in a flashback that 5 minutes earlier, Benji drank an entire bottle of alcohol, fell unconscious for a bit, and burped.

Tomato then says nobody can be as great as the Pink Frosted Sprinkled Donut, and calls Benji "yellow". Benji angrily asks, "Did you just call me yellow?" Momma Lola says to Benji that Tomato did indeed call him "yellow". Tomato asks, "Well, what are you gonna do about it?". Benji turns red with fury and starts tearing down the studio and the audience's seats, and then attacks everyone in the audience and Momma Lola. He then arrived at the location Tomato was and beat her up. Benji says, "I'm coming for you, Donut! You hear me? And this time it's for f**king blood! F**king BLOOD!"

The narrator says to vote for Benji Banana because this time, he's coming for blood, f**king blood.

Corn Cob[]

A song is sung by Corn Cob about the troubles that the Pink Frosted Sprinkled Donut caused him.

They call me Corn!
They call me Cob! (call me Cob!)
Pink Donut came and my girl he did rob! (he did rob!)
He took my house!
He took my dog! (D-O-G!)
He took my cow and made him into a frog! (into a frog!)
And now my milk,
It tastes all green! (hoo-wee!)
And now I'm living in a box beside a stream! (beside a stream!)
I hate you Pink Donut, Donut!
What I'm gonna do? (hoo-oo!)
I want you to suck on the barrel of a shotgun
When I come for you! (KA-BOOM!)
I hate you Pink Donut, Donut!
What I'm gonna do? (hoo-oo!)
I want you to suck on the barrel of a shotgun
When I come for you! (KA-BOOM!)
He took my heart!
He took my brain!
He took my teeth, and it's driving me insane! (insane!)
And now she's gone,
No point to be alive. (be alive!)
So I guess I'll go and go and go and die.
So I guess I'll go and go and go and die.
'So I guess I'll go and go and go and die.

With that, Corn Cob walks up a tall hill to a single tree at the top with a noose around one of the branches, deciding to hang himself.

The narrator says that Corn Cob is looking to kill himself, and told the viewers to vote for him so he won't.

Fried Pickle[]

Three foods, who were caused grief and misery by the Pink Frosted Sprinkled Donut, are shown in a law office advertisement. Cucumber, a professional sign holder said he was hit by a bus driven by Pink Donut and hospitalized. He then succumbed to his injuries. Hard-Boiled Egg, an animal gynecologist, said that Pink Donut threw her off a plane and never came back, leaving her to fall several feet with a faulty parachute. Twinkie, an adult service representative, said that Pink Donut had sex with her, had children, and then immediately left her. Fried Pickle then claims that the law offices of Fried Pickle and Company can help with any problem involving Pink Donut. Fried Pickle is then called by his receptionist, who says there is a caller on the line. Fried Pickle tries to explain that he was in the middle of a commercial, but his receptionist told him that the caller said that the call was a life or death situation. Fried Pickle accepts the call, and the "caller" asks for him to sue the Pink Donut for a million, trillion, bo-billion dollars. Fried Pickle says he'll take the case, then asks what Pink Donut has done to the "caller" . The "caller" says, "He's guilty of being..." and suddenly, Pink Donut breaks into Fried Pickle's office, and says, "...too frickin' handsome!", revealing that he was the caller. Fried Pickle scolds Pink Donut for breaking into his office, to which Pink Donut says, "It's time to pay the piper, pickle!" Fried Pickle swears to get justice or die trying.

The narrator then says, "The law offices of Fried Pickle & Co. We sue the s**t out of people. Especially pink donuts."

Hot Dog Weiner[]

Hot Dog Wiener has had enough ridicule, and decides to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge. A flashback shows Wiener at a playground as a child, alongside his best friend, Pink Frosted Sprinkled Donut, nervous to impress his crush, English Muffin. Pink Donut says to Wiener to just talk to English Muffin, and Wiener approaches her, only for Pink Donut to say, "Hey everyone! Wiener looks like a penis!", causing everyone at the playground to laugh at Wiener. He unsuccessfully tried to run from his problems of the past, as shown in a flashback when he enlisted in the army. His drill sergeant, an eggplant, angrily scolds him for his resemblance to a penis, although he got the best scores on all important army tests. Back at the bridge, Hot Dog Wiener is about to jump, but English Muffin arrives just in time to stop him. After Wiener explains that he's tired of being told he looks like a penis all the time, English Muffin replies, "What if I told you I always loved you and I know a place where that's seen as an asset?" Hot Dog Wiener then auditions to become part of the biggest crew of male strippers in the world. In front of the audience, the unseen ringmaster tells Wiener to begin his audition. Wiener begins his audition piece, "Redemption", but is stopped by the ringmaster before he even gets a chance to show off his best. The unseen ringmaster says, "I saw all I needed to see. It'll never work...", and suddenly, the lights above the audience illuminate, revealing the ringmaster to be Pink Frosted Sprinkled Donut, who adds, "...'cause you look like a penis!", and the whole audience begins to laugh, leaving Wiener publicly humiliated once again. English Muffin arrives and denies she loved Wiener at all, before kissing Pink Donut. Hot Dog Wiener vows to one day ruin Pink Donut's life in turn.

The narrator hysterically says to vote for Hot Dog Wiener, so he can stop looking like a penis, to which Wiener denies he does indeed look like a penis.

Giant Gummy Snake[]

An offscreen narrator says that donuts believed that their kind would be attacked by forces from outer space, but instead came a horde of gummy worms that overran their cities and terrorized them. The donuts turned to Pink Frosted Sprinkled Donut for help, and he proceeded to shoot all the gummy worms to death. The narrator said that the donuts thought the threat was over, but they never expected a following attack by the gummy worms' mother, the monstrous Giant Gummy Snake, who rises from the sea, infuriated at the loss of her children. She previously had destroyed the Great Wall of China, and the Eiffel Tower in France, and she is currently headed for America to get revenge on Pink Donut for killing her entire family.

The narrator says to vote for Giant Gummy Snake, so she has a chance to avenge her dead children.

Chocolate Bar Donut[]

Two apple fritter thieves are attempting to commit a midnight jewel heist, but one of the thieves is worried that the feared vigilante hero Chocolate Bar Donut is on the hunt for criminals. The other fritter thief assures his partner that Chocolate Bar Donut isn't even real, but both drop to the ground scared when Chocolate Bar Donut actually shows up. One fritter thief begs for mercy, and the other asks, "How did you become this crime-fighting monster?"

A flashback is shown, where a young Chocolate Bar Donut walks home from a movie theater with his parents. His father tells him that it was okay to freak out while watching the scary movie they had just seen. His mother says that he will always be loved, even if he is a total pussy. Chocolate Bar Donut suggests they take a shortcut home through a dark, scary alleyway, to which his mother replies, "That sounds like a great idea!" Just as they enter the alleyway, the mugger Pink Frosted Sprinkled Donut arrives with a gun, and says in response to Chocolate Bar Donut's mother, "You sure about that? Gimme all your frosting!" Chocolate Bar Donut begs for Pink Donut to spare his parents, to which the mugger responds, "Or what, little kid? What are you gonna do about it? Huh? Huh?" Chocolate Bar Donut says, "I'll grow up, and rid the city of crime, and kill all criminals like you!" Pink Donut says, "But, not today, right?", and Chocolate Bar Donut replies, "No, probably not." Pink Donut shoots and kills Chocolate Bar Donut's parents, leaving Chocolate Bar Donut orphaned and traumatized, and the flashback ends.

One of the apple fritter thieves comments on how sad Chocolate Bar Donut's story was. The other fritter thief says that he and his partner don't need to be killed, as they'll give up crime for good. Chocolate Bar Donut says, "Too late, punk. I made a promise to my bloody dead mother to stop all the violence on the streets, and I won't stop killing until I find the donut that started it all."

The narrator says to vote for Chocolate Bar Donut so he can get revenge, before he kills the entire human race.

Candy Cane[]

The story begins at the North Pole, and Christmas is soon to come. A family of candy canes lived at the North Pole, and their oldest son, Milo, was finally getting called upon this Christmas to fly with Santa Claus. Milo complains to his mother that he doesn't want to fly with Santa, to which his mother replies that he is the only man in the family since the death of his father. Milo replies, "Whatever, Dad sucked." It is then revealed that Milo secretly was the one who killed his father. Milo's mother informs him that if he didn't fly with Santa, he'd let down all his younger siblings, especially his younger sister Bobby-Sue, whom Milo had a soft spot for. Bobby-Sue tells Milo that he has to fly with Santa, and he should do it for all the other candy canes who, like Milo, don't feel normal. Milo agrees, saying, "I'll go meet with Santa... so I can kill him!" Bobby-Sue overhears this, and Milo tries to cover up his story, and says, "Uh, no, I said I wanted to bill him for wasting my time and sending that lettter so slowly". Bobby-Sue claims Milo's story doesn't make any sense, but Milo leaves before she gets more suspicious.

Milo sets out to find Santa, talking to himself about how awesome it will be when he kills him. He then hears Santa, who yells, "Somebody help me!", and then hears sounds of stabbing. When he finds Santa, he finds that Pink Frosted Sprinkled Donut had already killed him. Milo yells, "What the f**k! You just killed Santa!", and Pink Donut replies, "Yeah, that little bitch owed me poker money! Pretty frickin' cool, huh?", before skiing away. Milo disappointedly says, "Now I'll never get to kill him! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

The narrator says to vote for Milo so he can defeat Pink Donut, and then possibly kill Santa. The narrator then comments on how weird the story is.

Pretzel[]

Pretzel was once a famed underdog boxer whom everyone rooted for. He defeated the Dinner Roll Quadruplets, decimated a baguette champion from Europe, annihilated a happy family of bananas that were just in the crowd, and even kicked the living s**t out of Fried Turkey Leg (a nominee for the previous Food Battle) but Fried Turkey Leg denies that Pretzel defeated him, and swears to "f**k his dumb ass up", and the narrator apologizes for stating otherwise. Pretzel also fought and defeated an anti-matter version of himself, resulting in both being lost in a wormhole for 45 days. Finally, he took on the grand champion of all breaded treats - the cinnamon roll, whom he murdered, big-time. Pretzel truly was the grand champion of all existing snack foods, and he had overcome the odds. However, his fame ended when Pink Frosted Sprinkled Donut turned him in to the police for using steroids, who put him in jail for 25 years.

The narrator says to vote for Pretzel so he can find the Pink Donut and break his neck into pieces.

Trivia/Goofs/Notes[]

Most of the information about this video, including the upload date, were announced at the end of the Smosh Livestream for Food Battle: The Game.
Both Chocolate Bar Donut and Banana were returning contesteants from last year's Food Battle.
- However, while this Banana was the same banana from last year, the Chocolate Bar Donut has a diffent backstory than before.
- Both of them were eliminated one round earlier than they were last year. The Chocolate Bar Donut made it to the Semifinals last year but was eliminated in the Quarterfinals this year, and the Banana was eliminated in the Semifinals this year, as opposed to last year, where it was the runner up.
Like last year, campaign videos are included with the polls.
When the video was first uploaded to YouTube, It would never play after the beginning advertisement or not at all. The video was taken down for it to be fixed, then reuploaded. It was still viewable on Smosh.com but without the annotations.
For the voting, when you vote it sometimes say you can only vote once a day, but if you reload the page you can vote as many times as you want.
The video was supposed to be released on September 2nd, but was postponed one day because editing took more time than planned. This was found out from Anthony's facebook page.
If Anthony decided to never harm food again, he would die because eating it is also considered harming food.
This video is being uploaded on a Tuesday, which makes this an irregular Smosh video.
Chocolate Bar Donut's story is a parody of the Batman Begins movie.
In the main video, when the announcer is showing all the foods running for Food Battle 2013, Corn Cob's name is spelled as "Cobb"
The announcer in Candy Cane's video has a voice similar to Ed Wynn.
There is no "SHUT UP! Opening" to this video, just the "SHUT UP!" line.
The bomb Ian and his donut have is shaped like a Penis.
Anthony wears a bald cap in 2012's I LOST MY HAIR! and it's sequel HOMELESS MILLIONAIRE!, though this time he puts it on himself.
Although the video made it seem that Ian won, Anthony actually did in Ian's body during Food Battle 2012.
- It could be confusing due to the fact the Food Battle Reporter and the narrator in the subscription ending didn't know who really won.
The video most likely takes place after Ian and Anthony swap back brains.
When Anthony said "I'm never gonna get rid of this sexy god like hair." meaning he will never get rid of his haircut, but in The End of Christmas (Part 1) and The End of Christmas (Part 2), he got a new haircut. Then later in the comments are saying that Anthony was a liar about keeping his old haircut.